A Little Guilt – Poquita Culpa

Is stating that God’s will and the bible together are like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book too informal?

My last two years of teaching at BCA were horrible.  They turned from a blessing to a test to a fiery trial.  It’s not the utopia I wanted from an A+ school and BCA was not a miraculous sanctuary away from the dangerous city of New Orleans.  BCA was a stepping stone and that’s a little depressing because I want my career, my stride. But, at my most miserable point, I got out.  The maniacal glee one feels after escaping an environment with such high stress levels is almost better than chocolate. Almost.

After I made the decision to teach in Guatemala, I was reading 1 Peter.  I came to the scripture 4:12 and it says:

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;

The passage resonated with me for a few days. And I was feeling a little guilt.  Because I am totally a quitter!  I totally quit my job against anything I was determined to face when I was having personal issues.  Inside I was feeling like I was supposed to go through a fiery trial.  I began worrying that I was missing out on something. I began feeling the possibility that I was going to be purified when the fiery trial was all over and that I disappointed God by going to Guatemala.  And, I was thinking, “God, what did I do wrong by quitting my job!?”  And in half a second, I realized that the bible has inspired teachings for every situation, but that God’s will didn’t have to align with the scripture I had just read.  In fact, His mercy spared me from another fiery trial in my life.  Seriously, what a relief.  I knew instantly that His will desires for me to be filled with peace.  And my guilt turned to immense, sustaining JOY.


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